Happy to be 1 month old.

點解人生BB﹐我生BB﹐但是我生的是個大喊包?你日喊夜喊難道不累嗎?小小的個子何來喊得聲嘶力歇的肺?真是說他喊到拆屋一點都無誇張。雖然做媽媽的看到自己的Baby喊得那麼淒涼會很心痛﹐但有時他哭得起勁時會無意間笑一下﹐看見他那個哭笑難分的可愛樣子真是不知好嬲定好笑。

Eli has reached his 1 month old mark. He's thriving everyday beautifully. Of course, some days are harder than others, a heck lot harder. It's never clear what makes him happy or sad. No matter what you do, sometimes he just likes to be a grump. I love how he will start to smile, but then all of a sudden he decides he wants to cry for eternity instead. Regardless, I still treasure that split second of smile. I'm sure that's just the beginning of more long last happy moments. As for me, my first month of motherhood has taught me so much. I have learned I'm much more patient than I thought. I also for the first time truly appreciate the nice set of breasts God has blessed me with. They are not made to fit the expensive lace bra or to make me feel more like a woman. They are for nurturing my baby, which makes me a good mom. I'm not going to apologize for saying that either. Making milk is the one thing I'm good at right now. I wonder what I can do next.

I found a cute little store today called "Eden". They sell fragrances, novelty soaps, candles etc. all my favorites. I was going there to get the Kai body buffer that was shown on Oprah's favorite things. Apparently everyone saw the show and was trying to get their hands on this. I wasn't able to get it at the store, but I already ordered it online. Anyhow, this has become my new favorite store. I like how it's not like most fragrance stores where the smells are so strong that put people off. I always find it calming to burn a nice scented candle. It must be a nice job to have working with so many nice aromas everyday.

Breastfeeding is no easy task. It takes skill and a great deal of patience. No doubt breast milk is the best food for babies, but I understand why many women give up breastfeeding, I almost did. It's hard to continue when your nipples start to crack and bleed. It's easy to want to take the easy way out to bottle feed, it's easier and no pain. But you have to remind yourself you want what's best for your baby. I haven't mastered breastfeeding yet, but it's getting easier. That seems to be the way with my newfound motherhood. Just keeps getting better.

These are my few favorite things these days:
1.Nutella spread. I love putting it on graham crackers.
2.Sophia Shorai's version of "Hello Goodbye" from the Target commercial. I'm addicted.
3.Rice congee with chicken that my mom makes.
4.My Moby wrap. Eli usually falls asleep minutes after I put him in it. It's a life saver.

These days I have been obsessed with reading anything babies related online. As a new mom, I feel so inadequate. I think I have read everything there is to read, but I still feel helpless, like a kid playing mom. Today started out as a terrible day. Actually it started last night when Eli was crying on and off for three hours and kept my mom and I awake. We did everything we could think of but nothing helped. He didn't go back to sleep until five this morning. During this whole ordeal, my mom told me to go back to sleep and she would take care of the baby. I couldn't sleep hearing my baby crying his lungs out. I'm very sensitive to any noise Eli makes. I know babies make noise, and it doesn't always mean they are in pain. That's something I need to learn to adjust. Every time I hear even the slightest sound coming from the bassinet, I run over to check if he's okay. Most of the time it was just him trying to pass gas in sleep. I feel terrible every time he cries, and if I can't console him, I feel like a bad mom. I wonder what he thinks of his mom when he's screaming for help and his mom doesn't have a clue what he wants. Every night I go to bed praying to God for patience and wisdom to care for my precious little one.

So that wasn't it. We thought we found the solution of Eli's constant crying, but we were back to the same old crying phase today. He's the biggest cry baby I have ever met. It bothers me a great deal when I hear him cry even though I know that doesn't always mean he's hurting, just the way babies communicate. It quickly turns into frustration when I can't figure out what he wants. I have done everything, feeding, burping, changing, cuddling, back to feeding again but nothing seems to help. Does anyone speak baby?

We have had a couple of rough days with Eli. He seemed to be having a lot of indigestion. He usually arches his back and his face turns bright red when he tries to pass gas or have a bowel movement. At first we thought it's normal, every baby has gas, but lately he has been doing that constantly. It got to a point where it affected his feeding. I had watched my diet and avoided food that would cause gas in breastfeeding babies, but that didn't help. He had gotten more irritable and impossible to console. We finally got him some Mylicon anti-gas drop, and I think it has helped. He felt asleep within minutes after we gave him the drop. Poor baby and his little body, I hope we have found the solution.

This is one of my favorite high school pictures. Can you tell which one is me? I'm at the front row the 4th one from the left. I have so many good memories and some good friends whom I still keep in touch with today even though we are thousands of miles apart. We were all once so innocent and carefree. As much as I miss that, I'm glad I'm where I'm at right now. I have a great job, comfortable house, and most importantly a lovely family. It may sound weird, but sometimes I enjoy having responsibilities. They remind me of my purposes in life.

After much considerations, I decided to get a laptop. The only computers we have are in the basement, and since I spend a lot of time on the internet everyday, this will make it easier for me to watch the baby. Tuesday we went to the Bestbuy nearby, but they only had the displays but nothing in stock. They told us they are focusing on their TVs sales right now because of the football season, and the best time to buy computer is in Feb. By then they will have most of them in stock. Why would they display something that they don't have in stock? It will be faster if I get it online. Luckily, we found the one we want at a different location next day. By the way, after being trapped at home for a couple weeks, it's nice to get out and get some fresh air. Having a baby at home has made me a speedy shopper. I had to make sure to get back on time to feed the baby. Besides, I actually missed him.

I dug out couple of my baby pictures to see if we look any alike. Looks like he got his chubby cheeks from me. It wasn't that long ago when I was a baby myself. Hard to imagine I would grow up and have a baby of my own.

My life has turned upside down for a week now. Things are getting better everyday. I have a feeling my blog will be all about burping, diapers, and sore nipples for a while. I developed a mild case of baby blues when I first came home. I would cry a lot usually after the sun goes down. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to love my son. My friend said she felt like she was a babysitter instead of a mom the first month after she had her first son. That's exactly how I felt. I had a baby crying and screaming and I didn't know what he wanted most of the time. How do you deal with a baby that cries constantly? I was scared of my own baby. I tried everything, the five S's, breastfeeding, cuddling with him. Just as I thought I had a defected baby, things seemed a little bit brighter when I saw his smile for the first time. I think he had a small laugh one time when he made a "hee-hee" sound. When things get really tough, I just have to remind myself about that smile or laugh, and everything will be just fine.

It's been a week since Eli was born. Thing are getting a little bit better. He still cries a lot. I wonder if he has baby colic. He has shown some signs and symptoms of it, and I was told that colic runs in my husband's family. Last night was Peter's first night going back to work. I was quite nervous about handling Eli by myself at night. Peter has been the one doing most of the diaper changes and putting him to sleep. I have no problem with changing diapers, but I suck at calming him down. I get frustrated and lose my patience easily. After trying for two hours putting Eli to sleep without success, my mom came to my rescue. She took over so I could take a nap. When I woke up, I found Eli sleeping in bed with her calmly and peacefully. He ended up sleeping 4 hours straight twice last night. This morning, he's more alert and was able to interact more. Same with me too, I feel most rested since I have been back from the hospital. I'm so grateful my mom's here.

Our first baby boy Elijah Michael Armstrong is finally here. He's two weeks early, but because of a sudden onset of mild preeclampsia, they decided to induce me. I would love to write a lengthy blog about how my three days labor induction went, but my body is still not up for it yet. The important thing is we have a healthy and beautiful baby in the end. We brought him home two days ago. Trying to adjust to the new mommy role is not easy. It's very overwhelming at times. I wouldn't be able to do it without the support of my husband, family and friends.