I'm American

It's a little weird to call myself American, and I don't know if I can ever call myself one. After years of waiting, piles of paper work and thousands of dollars, I swore in this past Friday. The court room was packed with people. Majority of them were from Sudan, some Vietnamese and Mexicans. I was the only one from China. After the ceremony, the room was filled with overwhelming happiness from everyone, especially the elderly immigrants. Husband asked me how it feels to be American. I honestly can't tell you. My experiences have been a little different. I didn't escape my home country. I came here voluntarily. I studied here, got married, had children; but in my heart, Hong Kong is my home just as much as America is. So for me, this is just a necessary procedure to avoid any inconvenience. I guess I can say I feel relief. 

little hands

I love holding my baby's hands. They are so small and so beautiful. They have all the parts, but are yet strong enough to handle the world. I will hold your hands for as long as you need me to. 

our first pumpkin patch

Baby Isaac was being a good pumpkin

Eli was being a boy

Chinese donuts

They are basically fried pillsbury biscuits with sprinkle sugar.

The prince and his lamb

presets overload

I have been playing around different presets today. It's incredible how technology has changed the quality of photography. These days, anyone can be a great photographer. With photoshop, you can create different moods to your photos, vintage, retro, high fashion, you name it. In some ways, this feels like cheating, but I sure enjoy it. Here are some editing I did to the same photo. 

orginal

This preset is called Zurich street scene

retro

street fashion

cinema effect

black & white

another black & white

potty update

Things are looking up on the potty training side. It has been a good learning experience for Eli and us the parents. Patience is the key and being flexible. At the beginning, I tried to make Eli wear pants without a diaper, then he freaked out. I tried to let him run free without anything, then he just peed freely everywhere. Finally, I got him some "Yo Gabba Gabba" undies. He had no problem wearing those. At first, we had to wash 5-6 a day, because he would get wet before he realized he needed to go. So... long story short, Eli can poop in the toilet on his own. In fact he just did it twice today! We still have to work on peeing a little bit. He gets himself on the toilet, but he doesn't always go. When he does, most of the time it's up and over. I'm really encouraged at this point. I'm sure different kid has different style of learning. The more I watch Eli grow, the more I realize that he likes to learn things on his own. So many times he refused our helps, and sometimes that makes me sad. Well, that's all for now. 

I have heard my photographer friend mentioned lightroom before, but I had no idea what it was. I saw a beautiful picture online and it was edited with lightroom. I was very much intrigued. I have been playing with the trial version I downloaded from Adobe's website, and I'm in love with it. Too bad I don't think I will purchase it. It's too much money for someone who isn't professional photographer and doesn't do it for living.

Mom's first state fair

So hot! I mean the weather. 

First funnel cake. Oh yum! I knew my mom liked it when she asked to get another one on our way out. 

Does she look like she's having fun?

You can't leave the fair without taking a photo of the butter cow.

And the 1,166lbs boar.

Brothers

I was craving for chocolate cake yesterday, so I googled "chocolate cake" and found this Ina's recipe. She never disappoints me. Oh Ina, What would I do without you? This is the first time to make a cake from scratch. I started to panic when I saw how fast the cake was raising. Especially after reading one of the comments from someone who said the cake blew up all over her oven. I ended up using half of the amount of coffee liquid in the batter. It started looking really runny. Well, the cake never blew up, and it turned out moist and delicious. The only thing I would change about this recipe is probably to omit the coffee in the frosting. 

Want some?

Our new range & oven

This guy is getting so big [sad face].

Hello! I'm 1-month-old today. 

breastfeeding

I have tried and tired, but it wasn't working like I wished. I'm defeated. I'm talking about breastfeeding. We noticed problem of Isaac's sucking ability when we were at the hospital. He's a weak sucker. Also I think there are some nipple confusion. I wasn't able to breastfeed for a while after I gave birth to Isaac because of the constant nausea and throwing up. By the time I got to put him on my breasts, he had gotten lazy to suck. He also has tiny mouth that doesn't like to open wide. I had the lactation consultant came a few times, and we did some sucking training. We thought we were on the right track, but my milk never came as full as when I had Eli. My nipples were also getting sore. I grimaced every time I breastfed. I wasn't sure how much Isaac was getting, but I'm sure it's not much because he almost never seemed satisfied afterward. I have been pumping to get the left over out. Finally I decided after a week of trying, I'm going to pump feed my Isaac. It's not an easy decision, because I loved breastfeeding my other child, and I was looking forward to have that bonding time with this child. However when it became a painful experience where neither of us was getting anything positive out of it, I had to choose what's best for my baby. This way, I can still provide the best food source, my breast milk, and make sure he has enough to eat. He's a big baby after all. Like I said, this is a tough decision, because I couldn't help but blame myself and feeling like a failed mother. That's the one thing I thought I could do as a mother that made me irreplaceable. After feeling pity for myself, I came to term with the fact that breastfeeding is not for every baby. Sometimes it's not meant to be. Now that I'm feeing Isaac my pumped breast milk, he seemed to be content and satisfied after each feeding, and I'm feeling more relieved that he's getting the nutrients he needs. A weight has been lifted off my chest. 

Isaac at home

First bath at home

Isaac Andrew

We did it again! We had another baby. This one is even bigger than the last one. Isaac Andrew was born on June 16 and weighed 10lbs 14.5oz and 22 inches long. Boy am I glad I had a c-section. It wasn't easy though. I was throwing up all day the first day and the incisional pain was more than I remembered. Anyway, we are all home now, and everything is good. My parents came from Hong Kong last week. My mom is staying for six months to help, we are so grateful for that. My dad is going back tomorrow. It's going to be emotional, and I don't do emotional. I know it's hard for my dad, because he has had so much fun with Eli and Isaac. Oh boy, tearing up just by reading this already. I'm an emotional nut again post-partum, just like last time. Thank goodness Isaac is such a good baby. He's so much easier to take care of than Eli was. I assume Eli's eczema problem was the reason why he was always so difficult. Isaac has so much hair. We love his chubby cheeks. I love being a mom, but not so much being a new mom. I know this period of self doubt and feeling of inadequacy will hopefully improve overtime, though I know it will never go away as that's part of being a parent. That's it for now. 

pregnancy photos

A dear friend of ours wanted to do a pregnancy photo shoot for us. She did my last one when I was pregnant with Eli. I almost didn't want to do this. I'm in my last week of pregnancy, looking biggest than ever, I wasn't sure if I want that captured. I'm so glad I did. It's only fair that this child get one too. It wasn't an easy shoot though. It was hot, humid, and mosquitoes everywhere, Eli crying, I was feeling miserable. Luckily, our friend is so efficient, patient, and good with whiny kids. I really love how these photos turned out. 

Photos by Amanda Mosley Lucero of APL photography